The Fruit Eater
by halfdelita
Summary: Roy drags Ed along to where a robot is wreaking havoc on the fruit stall - Ed reluctantly goes along and can't wait to get back to wooing Winfry.


**FMA**

Ed was teasing Winfry as usual, being a State Alchemist was such a drag, but compared to the grease monkey, it was a blast. "Why you covered with oil so often? To give your skin a shine? To smooth out your wrinkles? Be careful with the ignition, you might catch fire when sparks fly! But then again, you can't get any hotter than you already are.." He sneered as he half-flirted, half tormented the mechanic girl with the monkey wrench - she was undoubtably cute – a sleeveless tank top and low riding cargo pants, with a thick belt which wasn't in the loops and didn't hold up anything, but only served to accentuate her soft curves.

"Christ! Thin,"shudder, "happy-go-lucky cold bastard."

"As if I would ever fall for someone like you."

He pouted as he tried to wrap his arms around her, she didn't resist, but lowered her voice into a loud, threatening whisper. "Hands off now, or I'll scream molest." He raised both palms in surrender and took two steps back. "Okay okay, chillax… You know I won't do anything you don't want…" He looked unsure of himself for a moment, then his leer was back.. "But we both –know- you want it, don't we…"

A loud cough interrupted them. "I hate to interrupt your flirting, but we are needed on a mission." Roy Mustang stood below the garage door, the fire alchemist's insignia etched on his lily-white gloves, curled into a fist and held to his mouth. "I'm sure you'll have plenty of time to get back to whatever hanky-panky you two were up to after we've cleared this."

A Demented Robot had appeared in the corner of the 6th Avenue besides the Starbucks Cafe and was eating everything in sight. "Our orders are to save the food."

"Not save the humans?"

"No, the instructions from UNICEF were clear on that. The food is our first priority."

"..."

They screeched to a halt on 5th avenue, and tumbled out untidly. There wasn't any problem locating the problem - the trail of destruction and its awesome mass saw to that. It certainly -looked- harmless. A standard oversized version of a remote-controlled robot that any child would likely have in his toybox - perhaps the controller of this one had been killed by it turning berserk It was busy shovelling a carton of tomatoes into its gaping maw, which was suspiciously reminiscent of a nutcracker, while its metallic teeth chomped steadily in an up-and-down motion. A cat yeowled as it leapt off the carton just in time, fur standing on end.

"We'll its easy enough, I'll just transmute something inedible and take it apart" His thoughts drifted quite naturally to Winfry, and he synthesised a wrench from the nearby fire extinguisher.

"Well done Ed. Now if you haven't noticed this bot doesnt have any screws, except the two gignomous ones it has for ears. So what are you gona do huh? Take off its ears so that we can scream into it telling it to stop?" Roy's voice was positively dripping with sarcasm.

Ed looked the the wrench thoughtfully for a minute. "Gee okay, you're the boss." Sarcasm was simply wasted on him. Whizzed right past. He piled a few fruit cartons and managed to scramble onto a window sill while the hungry machine moved on to the celery. Ed took a stance like an olympic pole-vaulter and ran the length of the sill and pivoted himself onto the metal ear, getting a solid grip on it with his wrench. But there was an additional problem - it wouldn't turn.

He needed some leverage, Ed realised as he transmuted the nearest piece of metal, the robot's right cheek, into a huge hammer and started whacking on the handle of his wrench, willing it to turn. It did, and slowly, ponderously, the screwed-up ear rotated and inched outwards, until it fell to the ground with a mighty clang. Ed then melted the pair of equips into a steel wire and a triangular handle, looped it round a lamp post, and did a flying fox to the relative safety of the main street.

The robot, as Roy predicted, was totally unaffected by the effect of the loss of its ear, but the combined gross weight loss of its cheek and ear caused it to veer dangerously towards the other side, and tetter-totter, causing a mini-earthquake, and finally hit the ground with a resounding crash, and all the vegetables jumped.

"Well Ed, that was unorthodox, but it did the trick. Play by the book in the future understand?"

"Yessir. May I go back to my hanky-panky now Sir?"

"... Dismissed."

Ed took his souveniors home to the garage of course - it was always good to have something to show the chicks you were thinking of them often.

He was slapped of course- "cheeky bastard." - she probably thought it was an ass cheek. But it was worth it. It always was.

-End


End file.
